When people find out that you do not have kids, they are full of all kinds of advice. What is funny about this is that people assume a) that you want to have kids and b) that you want their unsolicited advice. I have heard it all. "Everyone wants kids." "You two have to procreate." "You just need to relax." "You should stop exercising." "You need to make sure to put your feet over your head for at least 30 minutes." Then there are the stories of "I know someone who had completely given up until she started eating garlic with every meal and got pregnant immediately," or "my friend’s cousin’s ex-wife was having trouble until she started drinking this tea and bam, she was pregnant."

 

I get it. Everyone means well and feels like they have to offer advice or a positive story, but the truth is that you actually don’t have to say anything when you find out someone hasn't had a baby. Because when you are trying to have a baby and are struggling, the last thing you want to hear is that you should absolutely have kids or about some random stranger's special tea. Plus those comments and stories do not help anyone feel any better about not being able to get knocked up.

 

Now that my rant about unsolicited advice is over, there are some things that were recommended to me during fertility treatments and while they may not have helped me get pregnant, they have helped in other ways. I already discussed this in other posts, but I visited a mental health counselor. I started seeing her on my own, but it was also recommended by one of my doctors and I think it was an extremely beneficial.

 

Fertility treatments are mentally and physically exhausting. They impact your entire life and you need someone to help you get a grasp on things. If I did not have an unbiased third party to talk to throughout the process, I don’t know what I would do. This was especially true since we decided to keep most of our experience private and not share it with friends and family.  

 

I have felt, and probably said, some pretty awful things during this experience (I am blaming the hormones), and my counselor has helped me sort through those feelings and to know that they are normal. Plus, it has helped me find better ways to share my feelings with Adam who cannot understand everything that I am going through, and sometimes doesn’t want to hear all the details. I always feel better after I leave my sessions and she is the one who encouraged me to start this journal. 

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My fertility clinic offered group therapy sessions, but I am awkward and semi-antisocial so I didn’t think I would do well sharing in a group. That works great for some people to have others going through the same thing, but it just wasn’t what worked best for me. Instead, I did better with private sessions and journaling my thoughts. Either way, if you are going through fertility, find someone to talk to whether in a group or one on one. It is very important to take care of yourself during this time and I promise it will help. 

 

I also did acupuncture. My mother actually told me that I should go for months (I think because she secretly thought something was going on), but I kept ignoring her. Then after my first round of IVF failed and my doctor recommended doing acupuncture along with my second round, I decided to finally give it a try. The first time I went, I was so confused and couldn’t relax. I just couldn’t get over the fact that I had a bunch of little needles in my skin. However, over time it got easier and easier to settle in. Now I look forward to my sessions and the quick nap I take while lying there. I sometimes think this might be the only time in my life when I truly relax. 

 

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