The Universe Says Nope
So the goalie has been pulled and we are just letting the universe do whatever it is going to do. I mean this should be pretty awesome, right? We get to do the sideways tango and see what happens every month. How exciting and kind of crazy.
Well that excitement lasted about 3 months before I knew something was really wrong with me. I was trying so hard to just leave it up the universe, but the universe was pretty much screaming at me that my body had issues. I knew what cues and signs to watch for to know that I needed to "get to work", but I never got any of those cues or signs.
In fact, I got just about the opposite signs of "hey, go make a baby". Not to mention, I was experiencing a lot of physical pain, so I knew pretty quickly that my body wasn’t working right. I will spare you the physical and personal details, but I knew I needed to see my doctor after just a few months.
When I called the doctor to explain what was going on, they kind of blew me off. They said it takes time for your body to adjust following years of birth control and I needed to just leave it be. However, the medical stuff kept getting worse so I called again and begged to see someone. I went in for my appointment and explained what was happening. They told me they couldn't explain my issues and sent me home. They also told me to keep trying because it hadn't been a year yet, and it would happen in due time.
Nothing got better. I started to google my symptoms to convince myself that I wasn’t crazy and that I knew my body. Upon further research, I decided that I needed to take detailed notes so that when I went back, I would be ready to combat whatever excuse the doctors gave me. I started to keep a journal of my ovulation tests because I never got a positive result, which I knew was a bad sign. Plus, my symptoms were getting worse and my body continued to act out of sorts.
I finally called my doctors and asked to be seen again. This time, I was armed with dates and notes on everything that had been going on. I explained the issues and how I wasn’t ovulating. Their response was that I was probably taking the ovulation tests wrong or at the wrong time. Trust me, I had read the instructions multiple times to make sure it wasn't user error, but the doctors just didn't seem to want to listen. It was infuriating, but I finally got them to agree to conduct some tests and blood work.
Ends up I wasn’t taking the tests wrong, and I wasn’t crazy. The blood work showed that my body wasn’t acting normal and that I wasn’t ovulating. In fact, my body wasn’t acting the way it was supposed to at all to be able to have a baby. Part of me was relieved that I was right, but I was also angry that I had been ignored for so long and had to push so hard to be taken seriously.
Besides, the worst part of all was that the thoughts I had tried to bury were now confirmed. Having a child would not come easily for me, and I could no longer leave the possibility of having a baby up to the universe. If we wanted to have a baby, we would have to get medicine involved.