We are Officially "In" Vitro
Time for IVF. Time to bring out the big guns. After doing some initial testing, we meet with the doctor to discuss how the IVF process works and our chances for success. The first shocking bit of news is how low the chances are that we actually get pregnant using IVF. Based upon our medical information and history, they give us around a 30 percent chance for the first round and then this percent slightly increases with each round. This was really hard for me to hear. It seemed so strange that we were about to spend thousands of dollars plus go through all the mental and physical anguish of IVF for a 30 percent chance. How could the chance not at least be 50/50 or more?
However, Adam being the usual level-headed individual throughout this entire process explains it to me in terms that made sense. First, a 30 percent chance is better than a zero percent chance, which is what we currently have. Second, we are lucky because despite our medical issues, the doctors are still saying there is a chance that IVF will give us a baby. And third, we are fortunate enough to have the funds to be able to afford IVF, so if we don’t try it at all then we will forever regret not taking this chance. After I settle down and realize he is right, we write a really big check and sign a bunch of legal documents. 30 percent chance, here we go.
All my medications for IVF injections.
Now we begin to prepare my body to make a ton of eggs. There are morning injections and evening injections and they all have to be done at a very specific time. Also, some of them have to be kept in the refrigerator so suddenly our entire life has to be scheduled around these shots. For this reason, I find myself often carrying a needle around in my purse to be administered in some random location when I can’t be home. Some of these locations include a boat, a formal gala where I had to explain to a security guard what was in my purse, a beach, a wedding, and a bunch of other strange locations.
I soon learn the impact that IVF has on your body and your mind. I have tiny bruises along my abdomen and my body feels swollen, which is because my ovaries are increasing in size as the follicles increase in number and size. Working out proves to be harder and harder as my body becomes increasingly sore and almost looks a little pregnant due to the size of my ovaries (Ironic, I know). I can’t even swim because my ovaries are so large that they could twist due to the buoyancy of the water. Plus, my heart rate increases faster than normal so I have lost some ability to exercise like I used to, which is difficult because exercise has always been my mental outlet when I am stressed.
Speaking of the mental impact, the hormones made me feel all kinds of emotions that I cannot control. I find myself crying for no reason and unable to be around babies at all. A friend asks me to hold her baby while she grabs something, and I freeze. I am literally unable to keep it together enough to hold her child so I make some excuse and quickly walk away. Meanwhile, I am trying so hard to silence all the doubts I am having about the process and the negative thoughts wondering whether all of this will be worth it.
As my ovaries grow larger, the doctor starts to administer me to determine the exact moment when my eggs are ripe for the picking. This means attending daily exams to count the eggs, measure the eggs, and alter my medications. This also means my entire life is scheduled around not being too far from my doctor’s office. No vacations. No quick work trips too far away. Timing is everything and I must be seen at the exact scheduled time. When the eggs are finally ready, they schedule my egg retrieval and tell me the exact time to take my HCG shot to trigger the eggs to drop.
I was provided paper calendars to keep track of my injections, medications, etc.
Follicle monitoring
My retrieval is scheduled for the morning of May 1, 2018. I will be completely under anesthesia, so Adam has to take me to my appointment. This is also when he will make his contribution to the embryo making process aka provide his swimmers. The retrieval is done in an operating room at the hospital. This is my first time in an operating room and as soon as I realize how similar the room is to Grey’s Anatomy, I start freaking out. The lights are so bright, there are so many people in the room, and there are stirrups. Oh my gosh, am I going to be in those but asleep? I don’t have long to think about it though because my doctor comes in and they start the drugs immediately. As I begin to count backward, I quickly fall asleep then I don’t remember anything.
I wake up in the hospital and Adam is there to greet me. He says the doctor said it went great and she will be in shortly to discuss. The doctor is extremely positive. She says we were able to retrieve 13 viable eggs and fertilize 11 of them, but we won’t learn how many embryos we have until they have had some time to grow in the lab. In the meantime, we are told to go home and rest as I will be in a lot of pain once the medication wears off. Then they will call in a couple days to provide the date of our embryo transfer.
The next couple days are pretty painful. I get ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, which causes additional swelling and pain. Plus, it feels like my insides have been scraped out and I have strong cramping pains. The good news, however, is that this all keeps my mind off my phone, which I check multiple times an hour to see if the lab has called about our embryos. I am trying to practice patience, but I am failing.