Adam and I have always wanted two kids. Well, if I am being honest, I wanted three kids. However, Adam convinced me early in our relationship that man to man defense is better than zone. As such, we agreed on two kids. Then, as you know, it became really hard for us to even have one kid so now I feel such guilt admitting that I want another one because Palmer will always be enough for us. Actually, she is more than enough and we are so grateful that we have her especially now that we know what a miracle she is and how hard it is to even get to have one child.

 

Yet I can’t help but think about what an amazing big sister she would be and how much I enjoyed having siblings growing up. Plus, there is that little bit of me that looks at her and pictures what she would be like as a twin if Baby B had been born. It is this part of me, and of Adam, that led us to reach out to our former fertility doctor about starting IVF again. As we sat on that call, I remembered the pain of the shots and the fear of not making enough embryos or of it not working again I wished in my heart of hearts that we had any embryos left from our prior retrieval, but I also looked at Palmer and remembered that it was all worth it and I would absolutely do it again if it meant having another child.

 

We decided to schedule the beginning of the IVF process again and decided to just enjoy the next month or so while waiting for our life to be controlled by deadlines and visits to the doctors, etc. again. Then suddenly it was Labor Day weekend. Palmer was napping, Adam was in the pool, and I was sitting outside waiting for my parents to hear back about a house that they had put an offer on near us. My mom called with sadness in her voice as she told us that they hadn’t gotten the house, but it would be okay. I hung up and told Adam. 

 

Then as I sat with my thoughts about their moving to Florida, I suddenly realized that I hadn’t been feeling well lately. I went into our bathroom and found a pregnancy test. Not  sure why but I felt like I should take it so I did. To my pure shock, it was positive. Not just faintly positive either, but really and truly positive. I ran outside to tell Adam and we were both in shock. Pleasant, happy shock. Given our past, we quickly decided to keep the secret to ourselves again though. Plus, after we determined that our due date would be Palmer’s 2nd birthday, we decided that we would be able to share the happy news at Thanksgiving like we had before when we were safely in the second trimester. It would be perfect.